Encounters of the nth Kind


Er du skoj jag?
March 29, 2010, 5:44 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

 At the last-minute I decided to join my friend M for a showing of ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” at the E street theatre on Saturday. Knew nothing about the movie – just that it is supposedly a fantastic book.

So we meet. Get seated. Lights dim. Previews play. Opening credits start. M leans over to me and says…

‘Btw. I forgot to mention, this movie is in Swedish’

…….

P.S. Regarding the subject line above. I decided to translate “Are you kidding me?” from English to Swedish. Thought it would add something to the post. The translation was “Er du skoj jag?” However when I went to translate it from Swedish to English (just to make sure I wasn’t going to offend anyone) it came up with “Are you frolic self?”

…….



I would like a refund…
March 24, 2010, 2:40 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Many of the random encounters in my life take place on the bus. I spend 2 hours a day surrounded by the same (crazies) on said bus, so obviously some weirdness is going to ensue.

There are 2 characters in the following conversation…not counting me, as I didn’t think it was appropriate to label character 3 as “girl listening in”.

Author’s note: The capitalizations and font sizes are being used on purpose to express how loud and obnoxious this conversation got. Below is just an excerpt:

Girl 1: NO, I AM SORRY YOU JUST DON’T DO THAT

Girl 2: nods head

Girl 1: COME ON NOW. IF SOMEONE STEALS YOUR TAXI, PUTS A GUN TO YOUR HEAD….YOU DO NOT BECOME THEIR BEST FRIEND

Girl 2: uncomfortable laugh

GIRL 1: YOU JUST DON’T DO SHIT LIKE THAT.  INAPPROPRIATE.

Girl 2: Uncomfortable eye glances to everyone else on the bus that are now staring in annoyance

Girl 1: COME ON NOW. AM I WRONG??? (INSERT NAME, AS IT WAS MUFFLED) IS A COP. I DON’T CARE HOW HOT SHE IS. YOU ARE A COP (INSERT NAME AGAIN)!!

Girl 2: no response

Girl 1: JESUS, THEIR LIVES WERE SO MUCH BETTER ON THE ISLAND… SAWYER AT LEAST HAD FRIENDS.

Are you effing kidding me? I listened in on a 7 minute conversation thinking someone had been harassed, abused, kidnapped, killed…and all the while this crazy lady was talking about LOST???? No effing way.

 7 minutes of my life were completely wasted. I demand a refund.



This is not a drill…
March 23, 2010, 3:11 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Evacuation training at work just involved an episode of “The Office”. Not gonna lie. It was pretty hysterical…and awkward at the same time.



Phil Collins.
March 19, 2010, 2:05 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags:

Walked out of work today (btw. it was 70 freaking degrees…amazinggggggg)

I heard what sounded like a flute

I see a man

A bald man

In cargo shorts and a plain white tee

Standing outside an old school red (rusty) ford van

It had a ladder on top of it (to give some perspective)

Said man was playing

Against All Odds

By Phil Collins

On said flute

Welcome to my life.



Harley Davidson wha?
March 17, 2010, 10:37 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I just saw a man on a harley – with a casket attached to the back.

Welcome to my life.



Bad joke.
March 17, 2010, 5:32 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Let’s just get it out there. I work at a Museum. A Museum that doesn’t have a Van Gogh, space shuttle or stuffed elephant in the lobby. A Museum that is socially conscious and had an utterly reprehensible incident took place last June (If you can’t figure it out…um….bing/google it??) That’s all I am gonna say…

Setting the scene: I am on the metro. Looking gorg (peacock feathers were involved). Listening to my music. Minding my own business. I am carrying a big bag from CVS with my platonic life partner’s (PLP) birthday present because it was raining and I was heading to Dupont for a night of shenanigans.

Girl sits down. I assume she is a pot smoking surfer (I have great peripheral vision). And the conversation goes like this:

Girl: What did you buy at cvs that needed such a big bag?

Me: Huh? (as I pause the Relient K song I was listening to and remove the ear buds)

Girl: Your bag…it’s so big

Me: Oh it’s my PLP’s birthday present – I got him a kite

Girl: They sell kites at cvs?

Me: No.

Girl: I want to fly a kite

Me: Cherry Blossom Festival. April. Go.

Girl: Where are the blossoms?

Me: Near Jefferson

Girl: The round one?

Me: Yes, it’s near my office so I can see the blossoms from my window

Girl: Oh, where do you work?

Me: The _______ Museum

Girl: I keep meaning to go there but I don’t want to get shot

Me: Bad joke

Welcome to my life.



So. I received a “leave my man alone” call last night at 1am.
March 17, 2010, 3:36 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Woah. Okay Amy. Slow down. Perhaps I should back up a little bit…First and foremost, I don’t have a man (or woman, no discrimination here) in my life. I have a “whatever” (male) on the side, but let’s be honest. That shit is fizzling. Fast. I mean for reals. I live alone with my fish, love leftovers and sleep with 14 blankets…I am not what most people would see as being “a man stealer”.

So with that bit of clarity, I would just like to point out a few of my favorite things regarding this 1am conversation:

1) It was a Tuesday night. TUESDAY. I was asleeeeeeeeep. Probably drooling. And talking (yeah, I do that too). Come on.

2) Who knew I was a boyfriend stealer? Someone should have alerted me months ago so I could have tapped that. Damn.

3) It was hard to take the caller seriously because “she” sounded a little too manly (ie. deep voice and prob had a mustache) for my liking

4) And the first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning: Which is worse? The fact that “she” went to the trouble of restricting the call so I couldn’t find that bitch or that “she” said her name was Kiki???

Welcome to my life.